Here are some bloopers and other bits and pieces from lawyers, judges, and witnesses.
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Judge to witness: "My good woman, you must give an answer in the fewest possible words of which you are capable, to the plain and simple question whether, when you were crossing the street with the baby on your arm, and the bus was coming down on the right side and the cab on the left and the carriage was trying to pass the bus, you saw the plaintiff between the carriage and the cab, or whether, and when you saw him at all, and whether or not near the carriage, cab, and bus, or either, or any two, and which of them respectively, or how it was?"
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Judge: "You mean that he had no right; in short, he usurped the office?"
Witenss: "Yes, judge, he used up the office, but the trouble is more that he used up the funds."
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Lawyer, summing up to a jury: "I hope, gentlemen of the jury, that you may have mercy upon this unhappy man, who has never yet strayed from the path of rectitude, and only asks your assistance to enable him to return to it."
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A lady to her friend: "Look, there's Mr C, the shameful lawyer".
Lawyer (overhearing this): "No, madam, I am a shameful man, but not a shameful lawyer".

