Funny Definitions

YOUR COMMENTS... +++ B. Stover: This book will be a laugh a day! +++ B. Stover: I'm dying laughing here +++ Canberra Times: A good little book for a great big giggle +++ Canberra Times: Just in time for the Christmas buying spree as it's ideal for someone who'll enjoy the howlers +++ Canberra Times: For a good laugh you can't go past what kids think they hear and then write +++ Canberra Times: Mrs Malaprop, the doyenne of linguistic disaster, would get a good laugh as well as you out of Funny English +++ Jen S: Ha! What a great Christmas present! +++ Steven F: Definitely worth a look for your Christmas shopping list +++ Denise S: Your book had my dad and his wife in tears of laughter! +++ Kate O.D.: This book is far too hilarious to have at work. I have been in hysterics... +++ Andrew B: Wonderful book! +++ Shane S: What a fantastic book! +++ Jamie W: The collection of examples must have been an amazing and time consuming effort to find and collate. +++ Brett S: Hilarious! +++ Helen W: Great book +++ The Mitchells: A fantastic book +++ Nick B: Fantastic book. Well done. +++ Jean B: A great book. +++ Steven F: Great book! +++ Michael H: A very entertaining read +++

Funny Definitions

Best-selling Compilation

This page contains a selection of funny definitions from a best-selling compilation by Viking Press, published under the pseudonym of Alexander Abingdon in 1931. The selected extracts, edited and rearranged, are reproduced for readers in countries where the book is in the public domain, which, to the best of our knowledge, includes Australia (because more than 70 years have passed since the book's publication and because the "anonymous rule" applies). For other countries, please check your local copyright laws.

Adage: a thing to keeps cats in.

Ambiguity: means having two wives living at the same time.

Antidote: a funny story that you have heard before.

Asset: subtract the smaller from the larger amount. That is called assetaining the difference.

Celibacy: the crime a priest commits when he marries.

Connoisseur: a person who stands outside a movie theatre.

Goblet: a male turkey.

Gravity: what you get when you eat too much and too fast.

Matrimony: a place where souls suffer for a time on account of their sins.

Monologue: a conversation between two people, such as husband and wife.

Oboe: an American tramp.

Optimist: a man who looks after your eyes.

Pessimist: a man who looks after your feet.

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30 Nov 11: Author of Funny English launches Facebook Fan Page for new book, The Funny Dictionary

19 Nov 11: Order Funny English for Christmas. Order here, from anywhere in the world.

9 Sep 11: Funny English author, Troy Simpson, to give Author Talk, 15 Sept 11 (updated: SOLD OUT)

27 April 11: Funny English is the National Library Bookshop's No 1 Bestseller for Autumn 2011! Order your copy while stocks last

8 April 11: Author of Funny English, Troy Simpson, joins fellow author Denise Sutherland in launching the website, English Language Skills.

11 Jan 11: Read the review of Funny English in Teacher: The National Education Magazine here.

11 Jan 11: Sister website, Write Better English, finds new owners. Read press release.

25 Dec 10: Funny English receives glowing review in Teacher: The National Education Magazine (more details soon)

21 Dec 10: A video of the launch of Funny English is now available

16 Dec 10: Troy Simpson and Denise Sutherland to write a book of funny definitions

15 Dec 10: Author of Funny English announces work on new book of funny exam answers

11 Dec 10: Author of Funny English attends book signing at Borders

22 Nov 10: Funny English reaches 60,000 Facebook Fans

21 Nov 10: Funny English is featured on ABC Radio's Tuesday Morning Book Club

19 Nov 10: Funny English moves up into Borders' Top 10 Bestseller List in Humour & Gifts

13 Nov 10: Funny English makes Borders' Top 20 Bestseller List in Humour & Gifts

8 Nov 10: Funny English debuts in the National Library's bestseller list for October at number 3

4 Nov 10: Funny English receives positive review by The Canberra Times. Read the review here.

31 Oct 10: Funny English is available from Borders' Christmas Catalogue under "Hot Gifts for Everyone"

29 Oct 10: Readers' positive feedback floods in. Read news ticker for examples.

29 Oct 10: Funny English is officially launched. Details to follow.

23 Oct 10: Funny English reaches 50,000 Facebook Fans

18 Oct 10: Funny English moves up from 9th to 8th in NewSouthBooks' Top 10 Bestsellers — in all categories

17 Oct 10: Funny English receives glowing customer reviews here, here, and here

13 Oct 10: Funny English is most "Liked" book in Humour at Borders

8 Oct 10: Funny English moves up NewSouthBooks' Top 10 Bestsellers — in all categories

6 Oct '10: Author of Funny English interviewed by Carol Duncan on ABC radio Newcastle/Sydney

4 Oct '10: Funny English enters Top 5 Bestseller List in Humour for Borders

4 Oct '10: Author of Funny English interviewed by Ross Solly on ABC radio Canberra

2 Oct '10: Funny English enters Top 10 Bestseller List for NewSouthBooks

1 Oct '10: Funny English is top pre-order in Humour for Borders

1 Oct '10: Funny English appears in bookstores