Funny Definitions

Best-selling Compilation

This page contains a selection of funny definitions from a best-selling compilation by Viking Press, published under the pseudonym of Alexander Abingdon in 1931. The selected extracts, edited and rearranged, are reproduced for readers in countries where the book is in the public domain, which, to the best of our knowledge, includes Australia (because more than 70 years have passed since the book's publication and because the "anonymous rule" applies). For other countries, please check your local copyright laws.

Adage: a thing to keeps cats in.

Ambiguity: means having two wives living at the same time.

Antidote: a funny story that you have heard before.

Asset: subtract the smaller from the larger amount. That is called assetaining the difference.

Celibacy: the crime a priest commits when he marries.

Connoisseur: a person who stands outside a movie theatre.

Goblet: a male turkey.

Gravity: what you get when you eat too much and too fast.

Matrimony: a place where souls suffer for a time on account of their sins.

Monologue: a conversation between two people, such as husband and wife.

Oboe: an American tramp.

Optimist: a man who looks after your eyes.

Pessimist: a man who looks after your feet.

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