Prize Definitions

YOUR COMMENTS... +++ B. Stover: This book will be a laugh a day! +++ B. Stover: I'm dying laughing here +++ Canberra Times: A good little book for a great big giggle +++ Canberra Times: Just in time for the Christmas buying spree as it's ideal for someone who'll enjoy the howlers +++ Canberra Times: For a good laugh you can't go past what kids think they hear and then write +++ Canberra Times: Mrs Malaprop, the doyenne of linguistic disaster, would get a good laugh as well as you out of Funny English +++ Jen S: Ha! What a great Christmas present! +++ Steven F: Definitely worth a look for your Christmas shopping list +++ Denise S: Your book had my dad and his wife in tears of laughter! +++ Kate O.D.: This book is far too hilarious to have at work. I have been in hysterics... +++ Andrew B: Wonderful book! +++ Shane S: What a fantastic book! +++ Jamie W: The collection of examples must have been an amazing and time consuming effort to find and collate. +++ Brett S: Hilarious! +++ Helen W: Great book +++ The Mitchells: A fantastic book +++ Nick B: Fantastic book. Well done. +++ Jean B: A great book. +++ Steven F: Great book! +++ Michael H: A very entertaining read +++

Prize Definitions

This page provides a selection of funny schoolroom definitions. The definitions are authentic, unconsciously humorous answers to school exam questions and essays, gathered from a compilation by Viking Press published under the pseudonym of Alexander Abingdon in 1932. The selected extracts, edited and rearranged, are reproduced for readers in countries where the book is in the public domain, which, to the best of our knowledge, includes Australia (because more than 70 years have passed since the book's publication and because the so-called anonymous rule applies). For other countries, please check your local copyright laws.

If you are looking to improve your vocabulary, then we highly recommend you try the popular vocabulary-building program called Ultimate Vocabulary. We receive a commission for each sale of Ultimate Vocabulary if you buy the software via this link: Improve Your Vocabulary and Support this Website.

Caucus: a sort of big parrot that has been taught to swear

Celibacy: a disease of the brain

Epidemic: a needle the doctor uses to put medicine in your arm

Exports: things found on the land; imports: things found in the water

Fiction: those books which are fixed on the shelves and are not to be moved; non-fiction are not fixed and may be moved at will

Mastication: what Italians do with their hands when they talk English

Mistletoe: a man who hates all mankind

Monasteries: places where monsters were kept

Moratorium: a big ocean liner

Omelette: a charm which is worn around the neck

Simile: a widening of the face when pleased

Socialist: a man who goes to parties all the time

Socratic Method: One person does most of the talking and dominates the whole talk while the other person merely assents to what is said whether the answer is yes or no. The person that does not talk much is usually shown that what he said is untrue and that he does not know what he is talking about.

Trigonometry: when a lady marries three men at the same time

Comments

0 #1 What do you think? — administrator 2010-02-22 00:09

Refresh comments list

JComments

Quick Find

Buy YOUR Copy Now

Become A Fan

Funny English Errors

Promote Your Page Too

News and Updates

30 Nov 11: Author of Funny English launches Facebook Fan Page for new book, The Funny Dictionary

19 Nov 11: Order Funny English for Christmas. Order here, from anywhere in the world.

9 Sep 11: Funny English author, Troy Simpson, to give Author Talk, 15 Sept 11 (updated: SOLD OUT)

27 April 11: Funny English is the National Library Bookshop's No 1 Bestseller for Autumn 2011! Order your copy while stocks last

8 April 11: Author of Funny English, Troy Simpson, joins fellow author Denise Sutherland in launching the website, English Language Skills.

11 Jan 11: Read the review of Funny English in Teacher: The National Education Magazine here.

11 Jan 11: Sister website, Write Better English, finds new owners. Read press release.

25 Dec 10: Funny English receives glowing review in Teacher: The National Education Magazine (more details soon)

21 Dec 10: A video of the launch of Funny English is now available

16 Dec 10: Troy Simpson and Denise Sutherland to write a book of funny definitions

15 Dec 10: Author of Funny English announces work on new book of funny exam answers

11 Dec 10: Author of Funny English attends book signing at Borders

22 Nov 10: Funny English reaches 60,000 Facebook Fans

21 Nov 10: Funny English is featured on ABC Radio's Tuesday Morning Book Club

19 Nov 10: Funny English moves up into Borders' Top 10 Bestseller List in Humour & Gifts

13 Nov 10: Funny English makes Borders' Top 20 Bestseller List in Humour & Gifts

8 Nov 10: Funny English debuts in the National Library's bestseller list for October at number 3

4 Nov 10: Funny English receives positive review by The Canberra Times. Read the review here.

31 Oct 10: Funny English is available from Borders' Christmas Catalogue under "Hot Gifts for Everyone"

29 Oct 10: Readers' positive feedback floods in. Read news ticker for examples.

29 Oct 10: Funny English is officially launched. Details to follow.

23 Oct 10: Funny English reaches 50,000 Facebook Fans

18 Oct 10: Funny English moves up from 9th to 8th in NewSouthBooks' Top 10 Bestsellers — in all categories

17 Oct 10: Funny English receives glowing customer reviews here, here, and here

13 Oct 10: Funny English is most "Liked" book in Humour at Borders

8 Oct 10: Funny English moves up NewSouthBooks' Top 10 Bestsellers — in all categories

6 Oct '10: Author of Funny English interviewed by Carol Duncan on ABC radio Newcastle/Sydney

4 Oct '10: Funny English enters Top 5 Bestseller List in Humour for Borders

4 Oct '10: Author of Funny English interviewed by Ross Solly on ABC radio Canberra

2 Oct '10: Funny English enters Top 10 Bestseller List for NewSouthBooks

1 Oct '10: Funny English is top pre-order in Humour for Borders

1 Oct '10: Funny English appears in bookstores