Prize Definitions
This page provides a selection of funny schoolroom definitions. The definitions are authentic, unconsciously humorous answers to school exam questions and essays, gathered from a compilation by Viking Press published under the pseudonym of Alexander Abingdon in 1932. The selected extracts, edited and rearranged, are reproduced for readers in countries where the book is in the public domain, which, to the best of our knowledge, includes Australia (because more than 70 years have passed since the book's publication and because the so-called anonymous rule applies). For other countries, please check your local copyright laws.
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Caucus: a sort of big parrot that has been taught to swear
Celibacy: a disease of the brain
Epidemic: a needle the doctor uses to put medicine in your arm
Exports: things found on the land; imports: things found in the water
Fiction: those books which are fixed on the shelves and are not to be moved; non-fiction are not fixed and may be moved at will
Mastication: what Italians do with their hands when they talk English
Mistletoe: a man who hates all mankind
Monasteries: places where monsters were kept
Moratorium: a big ocean liner
Omelette: a charm which is worn around the neck
Simile: a widening of the face when pleased
Socialist: a man who goes to parties all the time
Socratic Method: One person does most of the talking and dominates the whole talk while the other person merely assents to what is said whether the answer is yes or no. The person that does not talk much is usually shown that what he said is untrue and that he does not know what he is talking about.
Trigonometry: when a lady marries three men at the same time
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