The Animal Kingdom

YOUR COMMENTS... +++ Ian F: "Cool site!" +++ Britto B: "Cool page. Love it." +++ Bill L: "You crack me up!" +++ Fahad: "Fantastic group. The best group in Facebook!" +++ Shafaq S: "Ha ha ha, very funny" +++ Radika D: "This is cool... since my English full of errors :))" +++ Tracy N: "So useful and so funny!" +++ Samantha S: "I just love the many funny posts on this site :)" +++ Nie A: "Me too!" +++ Joanne B: "This page is so funny, keep it up" +++ Andrea T: "What a sense of humour we have. Love it." +++ Kara M: "He he, great site!" +++ Mike H: "Awesome site!" +++ Jubajo likes B25 (Sir Winston Churchill invented the V-sign to encourage people. It is different today): "Flip the fingers around and flip the message! Too funny!" +++ Loraine W likes B23 (Industrial revolution being special kind of pills to lazy people to make them work): "Absolutely adore this response. Only wish it were true! My 12 and 16 year old boys could do with a megadose." +++ Nicola D from Perth likes B44: "Funny as it is true ... Everyone I have showed it to has laughed. That's what makes a classic quote." +++ Virginia A from Brighton Qld likes B173 (Any one trespassing on these grounds, without permission, will be prosecuted): "LOL. Well, I mean, honestly: What is trespassing? Going on the grounds WITH permission?" +++ Phillip C from Mount Druitt NSW likes B21 (The King wore a scarlet robe trimmed with vermin): "It would have been a one of a kind robe. I wonder if it smelt?" +++ Barbara R likes B139 (For sale: Baker's business, good trade, large oven, present owner been in it 17 years. Satisfactory reasons for leaving): "Very good reason for leaving - 17 years in an oven. Well and truly baked!" +++ Gail D from WA likes B139 too: "Look out, the next generation of bakers will have to meet the challenges of business by putting their whole being into it!" +++ Sharon J likes B99 (Some women are pretty and some are teachers): "I just hope his teacher laughed!" +++ Karen W from Maitland NSW likes B94 (He tried in vain and was successful): "This cracked me up, it seems to be my motto for life or at least one I would strive to achieve." +++ Deb A likes B19 (B19 Columbus was a great navigator who cursed about the Atlantic): "The image of Columbus sailing around the Atlantic swearing away tickles me pink." +++ Cheryl D likes B68 (The earth holds on to everything with its grabity): "I've known men like that." +++ Gaye M likes B103 (No part of a cow is wasted; even the skin is used to put on the top of hot milk): "I will never look at a glass of milk in quite the same way. Milk and skin anyone?" +++ Diane G from Qld likes B142 (WANTED: A small pony belonging to a young lady with a silver mane and tail): "They do say that owners and their animals look alike and here is proof!" +++ Brooke S says "Absolutely hilarious... Loved reading it. Favourite would have to be the Wanted section. LOL funny." +++ Amanda S likes B66 (Gravity tells us why an apple does not go to heaven): "It is Isaac Newton's birthday today. I think he would have found it funny too!" +++ Chanteya says "B172 has to be my favourite hands down! 'Infringe our title to deceive the public'. Shameless but brilliant!" +++ Dianne M says "'Henry the Navigator sent out many navel expeditions to explore the lower regions'. What a difference an E makes!" +++ Melissa C says "B41 is a cute one: 'A curve is the longest way between 2 points'." +++ Deb D says she would use the news headline "Judge Dismisses Most Charges In Apple Suit" as "an example in junior English classes to highlight the importance of using correct language to convey a message" +++ Maneeha says "'Industrial Revolution is a special kind of pills which doctors give to lazy people to make them work'... I love this! :D" +++ Selena Z likes "A triangle is a square with only 3 corners." +++ Allen S likes "'An example of a collective noun is a garbage can' ... It plays on several levels." +++ T Phan from Qld: "'A verb is something to eat'. So funny when reading it. I guess a verb is similar to a herb?! :)" +++ Cheryl M: "When I read the following one, I truly broke out laughing ... 'James the First claimed the throne of England through his grandmother because he had no father'". +++ Katherine R from Qld says blooper number B14 "made me laugh out loud: 'In Russia there are vast carnivorous forests' ... Imagining this made me smirk for the rest of the afternoon". +++ Shane S from Australia also likes B14, adding: "The setting for the fourth installment of the Twilight movie series?" +++ Lorna S from VIC says she remembers interviewing a guy who proudly stated on his CV that he had been "ducks of his school" +++ Julia R likes "Proportional Representation is a system of voting always favoured by those who can’t get in otherwise" +++ Adrian G from Qld says "My favourite funny English error is b37. I am sure it is not the answer being looked for, but how can you argue with the logic!" +++ Joni H from NZ likes "A triangle is a square with only three corners" +++ Trina H from Australia: "I like 'In the Classroom: Vocabulary' where it says stars are the moon's eggs. I teach children and they would really think this!" +++ Selena Z says her Mum would love this howler: "Dear Mum, I could have eaten a dead monkey, so your cake came in very useful." +++ Jessica W says "My fav is 'Weight is the weight that a thing weighs'" +++ Raylee L says about this site: "Hilarious. I love it." +++ Liz J from NZ: "I like the press errors" +++ Sonia K from NSW: "B7 is my favourite. As a geography teacher I love it and can't wait to share it with my students." +++ Frances A from NZ: "My favourite is 'A criminal is someone who gets caught'; there are those who truly believe this!" +++ K Hill's favourite howler is "An island is a portion of land entirely surrounded by water except in the middle"; K Hill adds: "As a student teacher who's been informed 'Tasmania cannot possibly be an island because it's part of Australia', I would rejoice to hear this response!" +++ Veronica D likes "LOST: A small pony belonging to a young lady with a silver mane and tail"; Veronica says "As soon as I read this one I got an immediate visual image." +++ Shasi's favourite is "The imperfect tense is used in France to express a future action in past time which does not take place at all"; Shasi says "Like how I'm my own grandfather; trippy, confusing, hilarious." +++

The Animal Kingdom

This page provides extracts from authentic, unconsciously humorous answers to school exam questions and essays, gathered from a compilation by Viking Press published under the pseudonym of Alexander Abingdon in 1952. The selected extracts, edited and rearranged, are reproduced for readers in countries where the book is in the public domain, which, to the best of our knowledge, includes Australia (because more than 50 years have passed since the book's publication and because the so-called anonymous rule applies). For other countries, please check your local copyright laws.

Note: The views expressed in some of these howlers do not represent the views of this website!

If you want to understand animals, you should think of the Eskimos. They are very fond, indeed, of their reindeer. In fact, they love their reindeer sometimes more than their wives. But then, they are very useful to them.

Three fur-bearing animals are baboon, raccoon, and buffoon

An example of animal breeding is the farmer who mated a bull that gave a great deal of milk with a bull with good meat

One of the byproducts of cattle-raising is calves

By self-pollination a farmer may get a flock of long-haired sheep

A good milk cow can be told by her rudder

Herrings go about the sea in shawls

The dodo is a bird that is nearly decent now

If you cannot give a dog a good home, give it a painless death. A dog will never forget what you do for them.

Geese is a low heavy bird which is most meat and feathers. Geese can't sing much on account of the dampness of the water. He ain't got no between-his-toes and he's got a little balloon in his stummick to keep him from sinking. Some geese when they are big has curls on their tails and is called ganders. Ganders don't have to sit and hatch, but just eat and loaf around and go swimming. If I were a goose I'd rather be a gander.

A marsupial is an animal with a pouch in its stomach into which it retires when hard pressed

The kick from an ostrich has several times proved quite fatal to a man, and incidents have been recorded where men have died as a result of a kick