A Bonehead's Outline of History
This page provides extracts from authentic, unconsciously humorous answers to school exam questions and essays, gathered from a compilation by Viking Press published under the pseudonym of Alexander Abingdon in 1952. The selected extracts, edited and rearranged, are reproduced for readers in countries where the book is in the public domain, which, to the best of our knowledge, includes Australia (because more than 50 years have passed since the book's publication and because the so-called anonymous rule applies). For other countries, please check your local copyright laws.
Ancient History
In Sparta they had to endure great pain. If they were put to death they should never show it.
In Athens everything they did was done in public. They had public entertainments such as the public baths.
Aristotle was Alexander's tooter
Alexander the Great entered Troy disguised as a wooden horse
Q. Name two sports of ancient Rome. A. Antony and Cleopatra.
Caesar was strongly warned to beware of the Ideas of March
As Caesar was dying he looked up and said, "You two brutes!"
The Romans did not like the early Christians because they would not go to gladiola fights or burn insects before the Emperor's statue
European and English History
The nobles owned all the land and squeezed every scent possible from the workers
The serfs were attached to the soil and when it moved, they moved with it
The Black Death killed so many people that it greatly decreased the popularity of Europe
The Britons had a strange and terrible religion called the religion of the Dudes
Mary, Queen of Scots, was playing golf with her husband when news was brought to her of the birth of her son and heir
Queen Elizabeth made the churches behave themselves. She was nearly as strong-minded as a man. Some people thought she was a man, but those who really knew her said it wasn't true.
American History
Columbus made four voyages to America. He died on the third one.
Many of the Indian heroes were killed, which proved very fatal to them
At the very first fire all the British pantaloons fell
Benjamin Franklin died in 1790, and is still dead
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