The Finer Arts
This page provides extracts from authentic, unconsciously humorous answers to school exam questions and essays, gathered from a compilation by Viking Press published under the pseudonym of Alexander Abingdon in 1952. The selected extracts, edited and rearranged, are reproduced for readers in countries where the book is in the public domain, which, to the best of our knowledge, includes Australia (because more than 50 years have passed since the book's publication and because the so-called anonymous rule applies). For other countries, please check your local copyright laws.
In painting you make believe apples are something to look at
The three greatest artists of the Renaissance are Angelo, Leonardo, and Archipelago
The Egyptian pyramid was made in the shape of a huge triangular cube
The Temple of Zeus was built of pillars that bulge out. This is called the Ironic style.
In Athens there is a temple called the Pancreas
The dome of St Paul's is supported by eight peers, all of which are unfortunately cracked
The value of music in the public schools is that it acts as a laxative for the pupils
The favourite instrument of the ancient Arabians was known as the eunuch
It is unusual to be a contemporary composer; most composers don't live until they are dead
Bach, the composer, wrote music for the organ. He had three wives and twenty children, and in his spare time he practiced in the attic on the spinster.
News and Updates
3 May 13: "Sister" book, The Funny Dictionary, now available as an e-book. Buy here for just $6.95.
15 June 12: Improve your vocabulary with the recently updated English Language Skills site!
30 Nov 11: Author of Funny English launches Facebook Fan Page for new book, The Funny Dictionary
19 Nov 11: Order Funny English for Christmas. Order here, from anywhere in the world.
9 Sep 11: Funny English author, Troy Simpson, to give Author Talk, 15 Sept 11 (updated: SOLD OUT)
27 April 11: Funny English is the National Library Bookshop's No 1 Bestseller for Autumn 2011! Order your copy while stocks last
8 April 11: Author of Funny English, Troy Simpson, joins fellow author Denise Sutherland in launching the website, English Language Skills.
11 Jan 11: Read the review of Funny English in Teacher: The National Education Magazine here.
11 Jan 11: Sister website, Write Better English, finds new owners. Read press release.
25 Dec 10: Funny English receives glowing review in Teacher: The National Education Magazine (more details soon)
21 Dec 10: A video of the launch of Funny English is now available
16 Dec 10: Troy Simpson and Denise Sutherland to write a book of funny definitions
15 Dec 10: Author of Funny English announces work on new book of funny exam answers
11 Dec 10: Author of Funny English attends book signing at Borders
22 Nov 10: Funny English reaches 60,000 Facebook Fans
21 Nov 10: Funny English is featured on ABC Radio's Tuesday Morning Book Club
19 Nov 10: Funny English moves up into Borders' Top 10 Bestseller List in Humour & Gifts
13 Nov 10: Funny English makes Borders' Top 20 Bestseller List in Humour & Gifts
8 Nov 10: Funny English debuts in the National Library's bestseller list for October at number 3
4 Nov 10: Funny English receives positive review by The Canberra Times. Read the review here.
31 Oct 10: Funny English is available from Borders' Christmas Catalogue under "Hot Gifts for Everyone"
29 Oct 10: Readers' positive feedback floods in. Read news ticker for examples.
29 Oct 10: Funny English is officially launched. Details to follow.
23 Oct 10: Funny English reaches 50,000 Facebook Fans
18 Oct 10: Funny English moves up from 9th to 8th in NewSouthBooks' Top 10 Bestsellers — in all categories
13 Oct 10: Funny English is most "Liked" book in Humour at Borders
8 Oct 10: Funny English moves up NewSouthBooks' Top 10 Bestsellers — in all categories
6 Oct '10: Author of Funny English interviewed by Carol Duncan on ABC radio Newcastle/Sydney
4 Oct '10: Funny English enters Top 5 Bestseller List in Humour for Borders
4 Oct '10: Author of Funny English interviewed by Ross Solly on ABC radio Canberra
2 Oct '10: Funny English enters Top 10 Bestseller List for NewSouthBooks
1 Oct '10: Funny English is top pre-order in Humour for Borders
1 Oct '10: Funny English appears in bookstores