Bloomers

Here is a selection of bloomers — innocent and genuine mistakes — published in Bloomers (1937) by John Audrey. Some of these "bloomers" might take you a while to work out! We've substituted some of the people's names in order to protect the innocent.

The Press

She picked up a snapshot of a dear friend who had recently died on her bedroom mantel-piece

Despite a temporary bitch in the opening chorus of the second act, Mr Sharples earned high praise for his skill and stage-management

Meantime, we hope that all who can will bring a pound of something (tea, sugar, jam, sweets, etc) and drop them on Mrs Jackson any Sunday

Mrs McIntosh sang "O Rest in the Lard"

These two have been granted licences to train nuder national hunt rules

Musical Theatre Guide: To relieve the monotony of sitting, the audience are asked to rise during the rendering of the chorus: "Fixed in His Everlasting Seat."

The fire has been kept burning night and day ever since it was lit under Henry the Eighth

Headline: Rector Fights Fire in Pyjamas

The flames were brought under control after an hour by firemen from six towns. Thirteen persons, including tight firemen, two women, and a policeman, required medical attention.

The Bishop, who is not in the best of health, is presiding at the conference, but it was deemed advisable not to overburden him with conference cuties.

The man is now driving the woman's car and taking care of her yawn

Snake venom is not always poison and that of many poisonous snakes can be swallowed without ham

Epitaphs

Sacred to the memory of Ebenezer Harvey, who died through being accidentally kicked by a cow on 18 September 1853. Well done thou good and faithful servant.

Here lies the body of Sarah Bloomfield, aged 74. Cut off in blooming youth, we can but pity.

Here lies Jane Smith, wife of Thomas Smith, marble cutter. This monument was erected by her husband as a tribute to her memory and a specimen of his work. Monuments of the same style $350.

Letters to Government

I have been cohabiting with your department for some months, and have received no results

My son was born in Matlock, not Wedlock

I shall be glad if you will tell me my husband is dead, as the man I am living with does not know if his wife is dead, and it is awkward. What had we better do about it?

My husband is confined. Daily he suffers from indiscretion. Can you send him something for it?