Miscellany
This page provides miscellaneous examples of unconsciously funny exam answers and essays from school children, collected from Walter Jerrold's Bulls, Blunders, and Howlers. The extracts are reproduced for readers in countries where the book is in the public domain, which, to the best of our knowledge, includes Australia. For other countries, please check your local copyright laws.
Q. Give a brief account of Copernicus and Galileo. A. Copernicus is a mixture of copper and nickel. Galileo cared for none of these things.
Chronic disease: something the matter with the chrone
John Milton was England's greatest epidemic
Magna Carta was a French peasant girl
Q. Use the word "livery" in a sentence. A. Henry VIII passed a law that no man might have a liver.
When the British got up in the morning and saw the Americans on the opposite hill, they threw up their breakfasts
Q. Name a town in South Africa. A. Peterhanesburg.
In Austria the principal occupation is gathering Austrich feathers
In West Africa they have many crocodiles and hypotenuses roaming about
Cataract is the name of the mountain on which the Ark rested
The Union Jack is the most imported flag
People named it Mount Everest because people can't climb very high without resting
Q. Use the word "responsibility" in a sentence. A. When one suspender button has gone, there is a great deal of responsibility on the other one.
Q. Use the phrase "on the other hand" in a sentence. A. The man's right hand was bare, on the other hand he wore a glove.
Q. Use the phrase "provided that" in a sentence. A. My father provided that big cake.
Q. Use the phrase "and so on" in a sentence. A. Mum, will you mend my coat and so on the button?
Q. In music, what is an "Interval"? A. A period for refreshments.
At debates there are two to propose and two to repose. Then the chairman takes the eyes and the nose.
He was imprisoned for bamboozling money
Q. What is man's chief end? A. The end with the head on.
Q. Use the word nitrate in a sentence. A. Night rates are cheaper than day rates.
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