Open competitions

YOUR COMMENTS... +++ Ian F: "Cool site!" +++ Britto B: "Cool page. Love it." +++ Bill L: "You crack me up!" +++ Fahad: "Fantastic group. The best group in Facebook!" +++ Shafaq S: "Ha ha ha, very funny" +++ Radika D: "This is cool... since my English full of errors :))" +++ Tracy N: "So useful and so funny!" +++ Samantha S: "I just love the many funny posts on this site :)" +++ Nie A: "Me too!" +++ Joanne B: "This page is so funny, keep it up" +++ Andrea T: "What a sense of humour we have. Love it." +++ Kara M: "He he, great site!" +++ Mike H: "Awesome site!" +++ Jubajo likes B25 (Sir Winston Churchill invented the V-sign to encourage people. It is different today): "Flip the fingers around and flip the message! Too funny!" +++ Loraine W likes B23 (Industrial revolution being special kind of pills to lazy people to make them work): "Absolutely adore this response. Only wish it were true! My 12 and 16 year old boys could do with a megadose." +++ Nicola D from Perth likes B44: "Funny as it is true ... Everyone I have showed it to has laughed. That's what makes a classic quote." +++ Virginia A from Brighton Qld likes B173 (Any one trespassing on these grounds, without permission, will be prosecuted): "LOL. Well, I mean, honestly: What is trespassing? Going on the grounds WITH permission?" +++ Phillip C from Mount Druitt NSW likes B21 (The King wore a scarlet robe trimmed with vermin): "It would have been a one of a kind robe. I wonder if it smelt?" +++ Barbara R likes B139 (For sale: Baker's business, good trade, large oven, present owner been in it 17 years. Satisfactory reasons for leaving): "Very good reason for leaving - 17 years in an oven. Well and truly baked!" +++ Gail D from WA likes B139 too: "Look out, the next generation of bakers will have to meet the challenges of business by putting their whole being into it!" +++ Sharon J likes B99 (Some women are pretty and some are teachers): "I just hope his teacher laughed!" +++ Karen W from Maitland NSW likes B94 (He tried in vain and was successful): "This cracked me up, it seems to be my motto for life or at least one I would strive to achieve." +++ Deb A likes B19 (B19 Columbus was a great navigator who cursed about the Atlantic): "The image of Columbus sailing around the Atlantic swearing away tickles me pink." +++ Cheryl D likes B68 (The earth holds on to everything with its grabity): "I've known men like that." +++ Gaye M likes B103 (No part of a cow is wasted; even the skin is used to put on the top of hot milk): "I will never look at a glass of milk in quite the same way. Milk and skin anyone?" +++ Diane G from Qld likes B142 (WANTED: A small pony belonging to a young lady with a silver mane and tail): "They do say that owners and their animals look alike and here is proof!" +++ Brooke S says "Absolutely hilarious... Loved reading it. Favourite would have to be the Wanted section. LOL funny." +++ Amanda S likes B66 (Gravity tells us why an apple does not go to heaven): "It is Isaac Newton's birthday today. I think he would have found it funny too!" +++ Chanteya says "B172 has to be my favourite hands down! 'Infringe our title to deceive the public'. Shameless but brilliant!" +++ Dianne M says "'Henry the Navigator sent out many navel expeditions to explore the lower regions'. What a difference an E makes!" +++ Melissa C says "B41 is a cute one: 'A curve is the longest way between 2 points'." +++ Deb D says she would use the news headline "Judge Dismisses Most Charges In Apple Suit" as "an example in junior English classes to highlight the importance of using correct language to convey a message" +++ Maneeha says "'Industrial Revolution is a special kind of pills which doctors give to lazy people to make them work'... I love this! :D" +++ Selena Z likes "A triangle is a square with only 3 corners." +++ Allen S likes "'An example of a collective noun is a garbage can' ... It plays on several levels." +++ T Phan from Qld: "'A verb is something to eat'. So funny when reading it. I guess a verb is similar to a herb?! :)" +++ Cheryl M: "When I read the following one, I truly broke out laughing ... 'James the First claimed the throne of England through his grandmother because he had no father'". +++ Katherine R from Qld says blooper number B14 "made me laugh out loud: 'In Russia there are vast carnivorous forests' ... Imagining this made me smirk for the rest of the afternoon". +++ Shane S from Australia also likes B14, adding: "The setting for the fourth installment of the Twilight movie series?" +++ Lorna S from VIC says she remembers interviewing a guy who proudly stated on his CV that he had been "ducks of his school" +++ Julia R likes "Proportional Representation is a system of voting always favoured by those who can’t get in otherwise" +++ Adrian G from Qld says "My favourite funny English error is b37. I am sure it is not the answer being looked for, but how can you argue with the logic!" +++ Joni H from NZ likes "A triangle is a square with only three corners" +++ Trina H from Australia: "I like 'In the Classroom: Vocabulary' where it says stars are the moon's eggs. I teach children and they would really think this!" +++ Selena Z says her Mum would love this howler: "Dear Mum, I could have eaten a dead monkey, so your cake came in very useful." +++ Jessica W says "My fav is 'Weight is the weight that a thing weighs'" +++ Raylee L says about this site: "Hilarious. I love it." +++ Liz J from NZ: "I like the press errors" +++ Sonia K from NSW: "B7 is my favourite. As a geography teacher I love it and can't wait to share it with my students." +++ Frances A from NZ: "My favourite is 'A criminal is someone who gets caught'; there are those who truly believe this!" +++ K Hill's favourite howler is "An island is a portion of land entirely surrounded by water except in the middle"; K Hill adds: "As a student teacher who's been informed 'Tasmania cannot possibly be an island because it's part of Australia', I would rejoice to hear this response!" +++ Veronica D likes "LOST: A small pony belonging to a young lady with a silver mane and tail"; Veronica says "As soon as I read this one I got an immediate visual image." +++ Shasi's favourite is "The imperfect tense is used in France to express a future action in past time which does not take place at all"; Shasi says "Like how I'm my own grandfather; trippy, confusing, hilarious." +++

Open competitions

Funny English Errors and Insights is a fresh collection of unconsciously humorous uses and misuses of English, to be launched in October 2010. To celebrate the lead-up to the book's launch, we will be holding regular competitions. Here are the details of our latest competition.

Funny English Errors' "Name Our Mascot" Competition

This competition is now closed. A new competition is opening soon. Check back again soon!

Name our mascot to win a copy of the popular vocabulary-building program, Ultimate Vocabulary! Plus, if you're from Australia or New Zealand, we'll throw in 4 DVDs of classic Aussie films.

The Main Prize: Ultimate Vocabulary

Ultimate Vocabulary is an easy-to-use program that can drastically increase the width and depth of your English vocabulary. Read a review of Ultimate Vocabulary here. The software is ideal for students, professionals, and anyone else who wants to build their vocabulary for success. No more fumbling to find the right word or making an embarrassing funny English error. You can even expand your vocabulary to help you find the right words for entering and winning competitions!

How To Win

To win, use our contact form and answer this question in around 25 words or less:

What name should we give our mascot and why?

The answer that we like the most will win!

Further Information

The mascot is for our website, www.funny-english-errors.com, and for the companion book called Funny English Errors and Insights — Illustrated. The book will be launched in October 2010. Below is a picture of our mascot and some details about his background.

Laughing-boy-mascot

About Our Mascot

Our mascot is a 12-year-old boy. He's a very happy child, though he tends to get his words and ideas a little bit muddled. But he's a fast learner and is always eager to learn and to share what he knows. He is well-behaved — most of the time.

Funny English Errors Mascot You will often see him proudly wearing his school uniform — a white shirt and tie, long shorts and long socks, and the shiniest black shoes you have ever seen. Occasionally, he wears his school hat, especially in the summer, even though he thinks the hat looks a bit "nerdy".

Our mascot attends a boarding school. He likes it there, but sometimes he feels a bit lonely. He has lots of friends, including his best friend (a red-headed 10-year-old girl), but he has nowhere to go on school holidays. He has never known his Mum and Dad, who left him at the door of the boarding school when he was just a baby. He doesn't even know his real name, which is why he wants you to give him a name of which he can be proud.

He's physically strong for his age, and fit and healthy, because he eats only good food and because the boarding school works him hard with daily manual chores. He's good at mechanical things and inventing gadgets. He has a rare and funny, but cute, way of speaking: he pronounces "th" like "f" and "r" like "w", and he "ers", "ahs", and "ums" a lot.

His favourite teachers are Miss Glubb (the grossly overweight gym teacher) and Mr Smith (the ridiculously handsome English teacher, whom all the girls adore). Our mascot doesn't like the head teacher, the stern and humourless Mr Fenwick. Mr Fenwick is tall, skinny, and looks like he's 100 years old.

Funny English Errors mascot, playing marbles Our mascot's favourite game is marbles; you will often find him playing marbles by himself, in the school stairwells.

Despite his habit of getting things a bit muddled, our mascot always somehow manages to land on his feet (which, by the way, are slightly pigeon-toed, giving him a distinctive and recognisable gait).

He has dark brown eyes, dimples, and black hair cut in an old-fashioned "short back and sides" style. He's a day-dreamer and is always thinking wacky thoughts. His adventurous spirit sometimes gets him into trouble; it's rare that you will see him without a band-aid, bandage, or some other kind of first-aid implement attached to a grazed knee or elbow, a cut hand, or something or other. The school nurse has a whole bottle of iodine set aside just for him!

Funny English Errors mascot, in school Although he gets things muddled, our mascot is not stupid; in fact, it is his super-attendance of ideas that gets him into strife: he thinks more quickly than he can speak. He is also a very accomplished boy scout, having receiving the most scout badges in his District. He doesn't mean to be, but he can sometimes be very chauvinistic. As well as marbles, his favourite toys are his old cola yo-yo and a rubber super-ball.

Our mascot makes friends very easily. Everyone he meets, and everything, seem to end up being his new best friend (the truth is that the friendship is often only in our mascot's mind, and is not always reciprocated by the person he befriends) . Extraordinary things happen to our mascot: amazing coincidences and astonishingly good luck, and occasionally bad luck too. Our mascot doesn't care what anyone thinks about him; he hasn't got a self-conscious bone in his body.

Funny English Errors "Name Our Mascot" competition

Official Rules

19 April 2010

(updated 21 April 2010)

1 Agreement

By entering the Funny English Errors "Name Our Mascot" competition ("the Competition"), you agree to the following terms and conditions ("Official Rules"). You must read and understand these Official Rules; if you do not understand them, then do not enter the Competition.

2 How to enter

To enter the Competition, you must answer, in around 25 words or less, this question: What name should we give our mascot and why?

Send us your answers by using our contact form.

3 Selection of winner

There will be one winner. The winner will be the person who suggests the name we like the most. If more than one person suggests the winning name, then the winner of the tie will be the person who, in the sole opinion of the judges, has provided the best reasons for their choice of name. The judges' decision is final and no correspondence will be entered into. The Competition is a game of skill. Chance plays no part in determining the winner.

4 The prize

The winner will receive a free copy of the popular vocabulary-building software, Ultimate Vocabulary. If the winner lives in Australia or New Zealand, then the winner will also receive 4 DVDs of classic Australian movies: Dating the Enemy; Puberty Blues; The Big Steal; and Malcolm.

5 Duration

The competition starts at 9.00 am, 19 April 2010 (AEDST). The competition ends at 11.59 pm, 19 May 2010 (AEDST).

6 Restrictions

(a) Age

To enter the competition, you must be aged 18 or above; OR younger than 18 if your parent or guardian has consented to these Official Rules on your behalf.

(b) Employees etc of promoter cannot enter

Employees, contractors, and family members of the author and publisher are ineligible.

The Competition is open to residents of Australia, New Zealand, the United Kingdom, and other countries where the Competition is legal and is not embargoed under the terms of Facebook®'s promotion guidelines . You must make sure you are not breaching any laws in your country of residence regarding the legality of the Competition. We will not be held responsible for anyone entering the Competition unlawfully. If in any doubt, you should check with the relevant authorities in your country.

(d) Can enter more than once

You may submit more than one entry so long as each entry is substantially different.

(e) No objectionable material

Your entry must not include objectionable material or infringe the rights (including intellectual property rights) of any third party.

(f) Entry must be in English

English is the only language in which you may submit your entry.

7 Free to enter

We charge you nothing to enter this competition. But you might incur other expenses outside our control, such as the cost of accessing the Internet. Such expenses connected to your participation in the Competition are your responsibility.

8 Notification and publication of winner

We will contact the winner by email. We may also put the winner's name, entry, and location on our winners page and on our Facebook Fan Page.

9 Winner to supply contact details

If you win, you must claim your prize by giving us your name, phone number, and mailing address, and any other details we need in order to send you your prize. We may need you to prove your identity and residency. You must claim your prize within 7 days of being notified that you have won. If you do not claim your prize within 7 days, we may declare the prize forfeited and award the prize to someone else.

10 Entries become our property

We will own your entry. All of the rights (including intellectual property rights) in your entry belong to us and you hereby assign any rights you may have to us. This includes all copyright (present or future), other intellectual property rights, and rights of ownership. You agree to do all things necessary (which may include signing documents) to transfer these rights to us. You consent to our doing anything, or omitting to do anything, that infringes your moral rights in your entry — for example, we're under no obligation to attribute you as the creator of our mascot's name and we are free to modify your ideas as we think fit.

11 No liability

We will not be liable for any loss at all (including, without limitation, special, indirect, incidental, or consequential loss, or loss of profits), damage, expense, or injury that is suffered (however so caused) in connection with the Competition or prize, except for liability that we cannot legally exclude. Where we cannot legally exclude liability, our liability is limited to our minimum obligations required by law, which may include, at our election, our replacement of the goods, supply of equivalent goods, re-supply of the services, payment of the cost of having the goods or services replaced or re-supplied, the repair of goods, or the cost of having the goods repaired.

12 Privacy

We do not sell or pass-on email addresses. You consent to our publishing on our website your entry, comments, first name and surname, and your home state or territory, unless you expressly tell us that you do not wish us to publish these details.

13 Severability

If a term in the Official Rules is invalid or unenforceable, then that term will be "read down" (if it can) so that it will be valid and enforceable. If that isn't possible, then the term will, so much that it is capable, be severed from the rest of the terms to the extent of the invalidity or unenforceability, without affecting the remaining terms.

14 Governing law

The laws of the Australian Capital Territory (ACT) shall govern the interpretation and enforcement of these Official Rules; you hereby submit to the exclusive jurisdiction of the ACT’s courts and waive any right to claim that those courts are an inconvenient forum.

15 Variation

We may change, amend, delete, or add to these Official Rules without notice, at any time, and you shall be bound by those changes. We will post any changes on the Competition website. Before you submit your entry, check the website to make sure you are aware of the terms.

16 Promoter Free to Choose Name

Funny English Errors is under no obligation to call the mascot by the name suggested by the competition winner. For the avoidance of doubt, Funny English Errors may call the mascot by the name suggested in the winning entry, a variation of that name, or a completely different name.

Find this competition listed at these free competitions sites:

Australia

Australian Competitions Club

New Zealand

United Kingdom

ThePrizeFinder - UK Competitions

Worldwide

Prize Competitions

Comments

0 #2 iam dying being a winner and iam rally love this page alot — engi ali 2010-02-15 10:35

i think funny english errors as a page will help me seriously to improve my language ,specially iam in need to be perfect in english in my work and my education...