Handpicked Howlers
Hunt's Handpicked Howlers
This page contains a selection of howlers from Cecil Hunt's classic book of Handpicked Howlers, published in 1937. The selected extracts, edited and rearranged, are reproduced for readers in countries where Handpicked Howlers is in the public domain, which includes Australia. For other countries, please check your local copyright laws.
In the United States, people are always put to death by elocution.
Q. If the President dies, who officiates? A. An undertaker.
Sir Thomas Moore was carbonised by the Roman Catholic Church.
People go about Venice in gorgonzolas.
When you cross a street in a city you must have all your fatalities about you.
David Livingstone was found missing for several years.
The Prime Minister saved his country like Joan of Arc saved France, but they haven’t burned him yet.
Magnesium is the best food for babies. It will stop almost anything.
A passive verb is one in which the subject is the sufferer, such as “He married her”.
By this time the cat had leaked out of the bag.
Nowadays it is not so usual for a man to insult a girl’s mother before he marries her.
The punishment for bigamy is seven years and two mothers-in-law.
Cricket: In Australia the over is longer than it is here in England because the light is better and they like to be different. If they weren’t different we would win more often.
Q. What does a bat do in winter? It splits if you don’t oil it.
An interval in music is a period for refreshment.
Our team fought pluckily but they were overpowdered.
A teetotaller is a man you never see drinking.
A spinster is a machine on which wool is bound.
Sinister means a woman who hasn’t married.
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