YOUR COMMENTS... +++ B. Stover: This book will be a laugh a day! +++ B. Stover: I'm dying laughing here +++ Canberra Times: A good little book for a great big giggle +++ Canberra Times: Just in time for the Christmas buying spree as it's ideal for someone who'll enjoy the howlers +++ Canberra Times: For a good laugh you can't go past what kids think they hear and then write +++ Canberra Times: Mrs Malaprop, the doyenne of linguistic disaster, would get a good laugh as well as you out of Funny English +++ Jen S: Ha! What a great Christmas present! +++ Steven F: Definitely worth a look for your Christmas shopping list +++ Denise S: Your book had my dad and his wife in tears of laughter! +++ Kate O.D.: This book is far too hilarious to have at work. I have been in hysterics... +++ Andrew B: Wonderful book! +++ Shane S: What a fantastic book! +++ Jamie W: The collection of examples must have been an amazing and time consuming effort to find and collate. +++ Brett S: Hilarious! +++ Helen W: Great book +++ The Mitchells: A fantastic book +++ Nick B: Fantastic book. Well done. +++ Jean B: A great book. +++ Steven F: Great book! +++ Michael H: A very entertaining read +++

Handpicked Howlers

Hunt's Handpicked Howlers

This page contains a selection of howlers from Cecil Hunt's classic book of Handpicked Howlers, published in 1937. The selected extracts, edited and rearranged, are reproduced for readers in countries where Handpicked Howlers is in the public domain, which includes Australia. For other countries, please check your local copyright laws.

In the United States, people are always put to death by elocution.

Q. If the President dies, who officiates? A. An undertaker.

Sir Thomas Moore was carbonised by the Roman Catholic Church.

People go about Venice in gorgonzolas.

When you cross a street in a city you must have all your fatalities about you.

David Livingstone was found missing for several years.

The Prime Minister saved his country like Joan of Arc saved France, but they haven’t burned him yet.

Magnesium is the best food for babies. It will stop almost anything.

A passive verb is one in which the subject is the sufferer, such as “He married her”.

By this time the cat had leaked out of the bag.

Nowadays it is not so usual for a man to insult a girl’s mother before he marries her.

The punishment for bigamy is seven years and two mothers-in-law.

Cricket: In Australia the over is longer than it is here in England because the light is better and they like to be different. If they weren’t different we would win more often.

Q. What does a bat do in winter? It splits if you don’t oil it.

An interval in music is a period for refreshment.

Our team fought pluckily but they were overpowdered.

A teetotaller is a man you never see drinking.

A spinster is a machine on which wool is bound.

Sinister means a woman who hasn’t married.

Comments 

 
0 #1 Add a comment — administrator 2010-01-30 23:27
What do you think? Login to leave a comment
 

Quick Find

Sponsored Links

Buy YOUR Copy Now

funny_english_front_final_m.New

Become A Fan

Funny English Errors

Promote Your Page Too

Follow us

Follow us on Twitter

News and Updates

30 Nov 11: Author of Funny English launches Facebook Fan Page for new book, The Funny Dictionary

19 Nov 11: Order Funny English for Christmas. Order here, from anywhere in the world.

9 Sep 11: Funny English author, Troy Simpson, to give Author Talk, 15 Sept 11 (updated: SOLD OUT)

27 April 11: Funny English is the National Library Bookshop's No 1 Bestseller for Autumn 2011! Order your copy while stocks last

8 April 11: Author of Funny English, Troy Simpson, joins fellow author Denise Sutherland in launching the website, English Language Skills.

11 Jan 11: Read the review of Funny English in Teacher: The National Education Magazine here.

11 Jan 11: Sister website, Write Better English, finds new owners. Read press release.

25 Dec 10: Funny English receives glowing review in Teacher: The National Education Magazine (more details soon)

21 Dec 10: A video of the launch of Funny English is now available

16 Dec 10: Troy Simpson and Denise Sutherland to write a book of funny definitions

15 Dec 10: Author of Funny English announces work on new book of funny exam answers

11 Dec 10: Author of Funny English attends book signing at Borders

22 Nov 10: Funny English reaches 60,000 Facebook Fans

21 Nov 10: Funny English is featured on ABC Radio's Tuesday Morning Book Club

19 Nov 10: Funny English moves up into Borders' Top 10 Bestseller List in Humour & Gifts

13 Nov 10: Funny English makes Borders' Top 20 Bestseller List in Humour & Gifts

8 Nov 10: Funny English debuts in the National Library's bestseller list for October at number 3

4 Nov 10: Funny English receives positive review by The Canberra Times. Read the review here.

31 Oct 10: Funny English is available from Borders' Christmas Catalogue under "Hot Gifts for Everyone"

29 Oct 10: Readers' positive feedback floods in. Read news ticker for examples.

29 Oct 10: Funny English is officially launched. Details to follow.

23 Oct 10: Funny English reaches 50,000 Facebook Fans

18 Oct 10: Funny English moves up from 9th to 8th in NewSouthBooks' Top 10 Bestsellers — in all categories

17 Oct 10: Funny English receives glowing customer reviews here, here, and here

13 Oct 10: Funny English is most "Liked" book in Humour at Borders

8 Oct 10: Funny English moves up NewSouthBooks' Top 10 Bestsellers — in all categories

6 Oct '10: Author of Funny English interviewed by Carol Duncan on ABC radio Newcastle/Sydney

4 Oct '10: Funny English enters Top 5 Bestseller List in Humour for Borders

4 Oct '10: Author of Funny English interviewed by Ross Solly on ABC radio Canberra

2 Oct '10: Funny English enters Top 10 Bestseller List for NewSouthBooks

1 Oct '10: Funny English is top pre-order in Humour for Borders

1 Oct '10: Funny English appears in bookstores