Philosophical Sayings

Hunt's Latest Howlers—Philosophical Sayings

This page contains a selection of howlers relating to philosophy from Cecil Hunt's classic book of Latest Howlers, published in 1934. The selected extracts, edited and rearranged, are reproduced for readers in countries where Latest Howlers is in the public domain, which includes Australia. For other countries, please check your local copyright laws.

Paradise is what happens when your arm goes stiff.

Chivalry is the attitude of a man towards a strange woman.

My aunt takes in weakly boarders.

If you eat too many melons you get melancholic.

Composition is the art of bringing loose ideas into a complication.

When a man has a wife and has got another living he is said to have committed boycott.

A Proper Noun is the name we give to a thing which is ours or which we intend is going to be ours when it is not.

An undergraduate is a person not up to the mark.

A career is the seat at the back of a man's bicycle.

A manager is a man who watches other men work.

Peace means when you have got a bit of cake or pudding.

An insult is when somebody tells you what you ought to know but isn't pleasant.

You can learn many lessons from Caesar. He made a speech from his golden chair and when he had finished his friends killed him.

A Pacifist is a person who has been over the Pacific ocean.

A bachelor is a rich man. They are always bald.

A miracle is a thing no man can do except the person who does it.

It is not wise to accumulate with people until you know them properly.

A man is qualified for the dole when he does not feel like work any more until he is not allowed to have any more dole any longer.

My father used to be a sailor but now he works.

Aristocrats are public performers. Those who show them have to have a licence.

Divorce suits are special clothes worn when the wedding is all over.

Schoolmasters ought to go home after school, then we should not get tired of their faces.

Single misfortunes never come alone: the greatest possible misfortune is often followed by something a great deal worse.

Schoolmasters are human beings the same as anyone else, and they should not be despised.

Concentration means putting all your brains in one spot and not allowing them to stray to things that look very nice.

If you matriculate properly you can be sure of a good digestion when you get older.

A manor house is where they teach people manners. They don't build them now.

Anyone doing the least bit of murder can now be taken to prison by the police.

A crisis is a thing which hangs up in the winter and comes down in the summer as a butterfly.

A man who reaches a hundred is called a centipede.

It is a very serious handicap to be without one's liver.