Science and Maths Howlers

YOUR COMMENTS... +++ Ian F: "Cool site!" +++ Britto B: "Cool page. Love it." +++ Bill L: "You crack me up!" +++ Fahad: "Fantastic group. The best group in Facebook!" +++ Shafaq S: "Ha ha ha, very funny" +++ Radika D: "This is cool... since my English full of errors :))" +++ Tracy N: "So useful and so funny!" +++ Samantha S: "I just love the many funny posts on this site :)" +++ Nie A: "Me too!" +++ Joanne B: "This page is so funny, keep it up" +++ Andrea T: "What a sense of humour we have. Love it." +++ Kara M: "He he, great site!" +++ Mike H: "Awesome site!" +++ Jubajo likes B25 (Sir Winston Churchill invented the V-sign to encourage people. It is different today): "Flip the fingers around and flip the message! Too funny!" +++ Loraine W likes B23 (Industrial revolution being special kind of pills to lazy people to make them work): "Absolutely adore this response. Only wish it were true! My 12 and 16 year old boys could do with a megadose." +++ Nicola D from Perth likes B44: "Funny as it is true ... Everyone I have showed it to has laughed. That's what makes a classic quote." +++ Virginia A from Brighton Qld likes B173 (Any one trespassing on these grounds, without permission, will be prosecuted): "LOL. Well, I mean, honestly: What is trespassing? Going on the grounds WITH permission?" +++ Phillip C from Mount Druitt NSW likes B21 (The King wore a scarlet robe trimmed with vermin): "It would have been a one of a kind robe. I wonder if it smelt?" +++ Barbara R likes B139 (For sale: Baker's business, good trade, large oven, present owner been in it 17 years. Satisfactory reasons for leaving): "Very good reason for leaving - 17 years in an oven. Well and truly baked!" +++ Gail D from WA likes B139 too: "Look out, the next generation of bakers will have to meet the challenges of business by putting their whole being into it!" +++ Sharon J likes B99 (Some women are pretty and some are teachers): "I just hope his teacher laughed!" +++ Karen W from Maitland NSW likes B94 (He tried in vain and was successful): "This cracked me up, it seems to be my motto for life or at least one I would strive to achieve." +++ Deb A likes B19 (B19 Columbus was a great navigator who cursed about the Atlantic): "The image of Columbus sailing around the Atlantic swearing away tickles me pink." +++ Cheryl D likes B68 (The earth holds on to everything with its grabity): "I've known men like that." +++ Gaye M likes B103 (No part of a cow is wasted; even the skin is used to put on the top of hot milk): "I will never look at a glass of milk in quite the same way. Milk and skin anyone?" +++ Diane G from Qld likes B142 (WANTED: A small pony belonging to a young lady with a silver mane and tail): "They do say that owners and their animals look alike and here is proof!" +++ Brooke S says "Absolutely hilarious... Loved reading it. Favourite would have to be the Wanted section. LOL funny." +++ Amanda S likes B66 (Gravity tells us why an apple does not go to heaven): "It is Isaac Newton's birthday today. I think he would have found it funny too!" +++ Chanteya says "B172 has to be my favourite hands down! 'Infringe our title to deceive the public'. Shameless but brilliant!" +++ Dianne M says "'Henry the Navigator sent out many navel expeditions to explore the lower regions'. What a difference an E makes!" +++ Melissa C says "B41 is a cute one: 'A curve is the longest way between 2 points'." +++ Deb D says she would use the news headline "Judge Dismisses Most Charges In Apple Suit" as "an example in junior English classes to highlight the importance of using correct language to convey a message" +++ Maneeha says "'Industrial Revolution is a special kind of pills which doctors give to lazy people to make them work'... I love this! :D" +++ Selena Z likes "A triangle is a square with only 3 corners." +++ Allen S likes "'An example of a collective noun is a garbage can' ... It plays on several levels." +++ T Phan from Qld: "'A verb is something to eat'. So funny when reading it. I guess a verb is similar to a herb?! :)" +++ Cheryl M: "When I read the following one, I truly broke out laughing ... 'James the First claimed the throne of England through his grandmother because he had no father'". +++ Katherine R from Qld says blooper number B14 "made me laugh out loud: 'In Russia there are vast carnivorous forests' ... Imagining this made me smirk for the rest of the afternoon". +++ Shane S from Australia also likes B14, adding: "The setting for the fourth installment of the Twilight movie series?" +++ Lorna S from VIC says she remembers interviewing a guy who proudly stated on his CV that he had been "ducks of his school" +++ Julia R likes "Proportional Representation is a system of voting always favoured by those who can’t get in otherwise" +++ Adrian G from Qld says "My favourite funny English error is b37. I am sure it is not the answer being looked for, but how can you argue with the logic!" +++ Joni H from NZ likes "A triangle is a square with only three corners" +++ Trina H from Australia: "I like 'In the Classroom: Vocabulary' where it says stars are the moon's eggs. I teach children and they would really think this!" +++ Selena Z says her Mum would love this howler: "Dear Mum, I could have eaten a dead monkey, so your cake came in very useful." +++ Jessica W says "My fav is 'Weight is the weight that a thing weighs'" +++ Raylee L says about this site: "Hilarious. I love it." +++ Liz J from NZ: "I like the press errors" +++ Sonia K from NSW: "B7 is my favourite. As a geography teacher I love it and can't wait to share it with my students." +++ Frances A from NZ: "My favourite is 'A criminal is someone who gets caught'; there are those who truly believe this!" +++ K Hill's favourite howler is "An island is a portion of land entirely surrounded by water except in the middle"; K Hill adds: "As a student teacher who's been informed 'Tasmania cannot possibly be an island because it's part of Australia', I would rejoice to hear this response!" +++ Veronica D likes "LOST: A small pony belonging to a young lady with a silver mane and tail"; Veronica says "As soon as I read this one I got an immediate visual image." +++ Shasi's favourite is "The imperfect tense is used in France to express a future action in past time which does not take place at all"; Shasi says "Like how I'm my own grandfather; trippy, confusing, hilarious." +++

Science and Maths Howlers

Hunt's Howlers—Science and Maths Howlers

This page contains selected science and maths howlers from Cecil Hunt's classic book of Howlers, published in 1928. The selected extracts, edited and rearranged, are reproduced for readers in countries where Howlers is in the public domain, which includes Australia. For other countries, please check your local copyright laws.

Animals

A hostage is a big bird with four legs and a long neck.

An elephant is a square animal with a tail in front and behind.

To keep milk from turning sour you should keep it in the cow.

Moths eat least of all because they eat holes.

The only pouched animal in America is the apostle.

The cow has a pulse as well as anyone else, but you can't feel it in its wrist.

There are many eligible fish in the North Sea.

It is pain to a cat to tread on its paw, and it swears, but in a different manner to what we do.

A sheep is mutton covered with wool.

Tadpoles eat one another and become frogs.

A sure-footed animal is an animal that when it kicks it does not miss.

The Zodiac is the Zoo of the sky where lions, goats, virgins and other animals go after they are dead.

Biology and Health

Food is nourished in the stomach. It is digested by the lungs … The food then passes from your windpipe to your pores, and passes off your body by evaporation.

Germs are sort of small insecks that swim in you when they can get in. Some are called measles but you can't see them.

Anaemia is not having enough blood, but you have enough to bleed as much as anyone else if you cut your finger.

We should not eat too much bone-making food, because if we do we shall have too many bones, and that would make us look funny.

The best food for babies is oxygen, hydrogen and a little carbon.

There are four symptoms of a cold, two I forget and the other two are well-known.

A drug is any wholesome vegetable good for taking once in a way, but not for regular food.

An injection is a shout or scream raised by a person too surprised or frightened to make a sentence with his thoughts.

Letter to headmaster: I can't get to school as mother is in bed with ten disciples [appendicitis].

Artificial respiration is what you make a person alive with when they are only just dead.

A bloodvessel is a man's lifeboat.

To germinate is to become a naturalised German.

Chemistry

Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin, Hydrogin is gin and water.

An oxygen has eight sides.

Nitric acid burns yellow holes in your clothes.

If the air contains more than 100% carbolic acid it is very injurious to health.

To fill an apparatus with acidulated water, turn on the taps and acidulate.

Mathematics and measurement

A centimetre is an insect with a hundred legs.

A litre is a nest of young puppies.

An obtuse-angled triangle is a solid three-sided figure with thick sides.

A polygon is a man with several wives.

A trapezium is the thing in the gymnasium.

A triangle with equal sides is called equatorial.

Geometry teaches us to bisex angels.

Isosceles triangles are used on maps to join up places with the same weather.

A line is a length of breath.

Physics

Gravity was discovered by Isaac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn, when the apples are falling off the trees.

The process of turning steam into water again is called Conversation.

A surface is the very top you cannot see.

Atomic weights are used for weighing atoms.

A magnet is a thing you find in a bad apple.

Inertia is that which tends to have a uniform motion in a state of rest.

The first law of friction is that when two surfaces are at rest it is more difficult to start them in motion than when they are already in motion.

Miscellaneous

Our food was eaten and our water was drunken.

Question: What is a coroner? Answer: A man whose duty is to decide whether a person died a natural or a fatal death. Another answer: He crowns the King. Another answer: He is likely one of the King's men who plays on the coronet at banquets. Another answer: They are persons who look after crowns.