University Correspondent 1900s

Here is a selection of howlers, edited and rearranged, published in The University Correspondent from 1900 to 1909. You may have to think carefully about some of these in order to understand the humour! We've explained some of the more difficult howlers in brackets.

History

Q. What were the main provisions of the Magna Carta? A. A sheet of paper, pen, ink, and blotting paper.

The poet Robert Burns, in 1787, became literally a lion [a literary lion]

The leading cause of the English Reformation was that the Pope insisted upon Henry VIII employing massage for the dead

In "1234 A.D.", the "A.D." shows that it is "A Date"

Homer wrote the Idiosy

Kingsley was a great agriculturalist and wrote a book on yeast

Thomas Becket used to wash the feet of leopards

Definitions

Anthems: the capital of Greece

Democracy: government by demons

Kindred spirit: a dead relation

Oasis: a prickly plant that grows in the dessert

Sheriff: A French cook

Sundry: places dried up by the sun

Volcano: a mountain which is always spitting up saliva

Volcano: a burning mountain with a creature in it

Science

Q. How do you know the world is round? A. Because they say in church "world without end", and round things haven't got no end.

A vegetable cell is a place very dark and gloomy where greengrocers who sell bad vegetables go

A cuckoo is a thing that turns from a butterfly into a moth

Mathematics

A right angle is 90° Fahrenheit

English

Q. What is the masculine form of the word sultana? A. Raisin.

Q. What is the meaning of "Perseverance"? A. If you do not succeed at one thing do not despair but try something else.

Conjugation is the people what the preecher preeches to in church, and when they are in a pantoemine they are called ordients.

Adverbs ending in -where are somewhere, nowhere, earthenwhere

Miscellaneous

Q. Translate into English the Latin phrase Trepidos cives. A. Tree-footed citizens.

A man who looks on the bright side of things is called an optimist and one who looks on the dull side is called a pianist

The Reversed Version of the New Testament was published in 1881

The lines, "The sun upon the calmest sea appears not half as bright as thee" are faulty because "not half" is vulgar slang

The works of the poet Rossetti are full of anarchisms

British Subjects have the right to partition the king

England has many coal beds. When it is finished we shall have to use our brains for fuel, and it will be scarce.