University Correspondent 1910s

Here is a selection of howlers, edited and rearranged, published in The University Correspondent from 1910 to 1919. You may have to think carefully about some of these in order to understand the humour!

History

The Battle of Hastings was so called because the English hastened away from their enemies

Definitions

Centaur: someone who lives a hundred years

Conservative: a sort of greenhouse where you look at the moon

Constitution: a group of stars

Heirloom: something like a carpet loom, but is used to make hair nets

Mercenaries: persons who sell silk and cloth

Monsoon: an animal which eats snakes

Vegetarian: an old soldier

Geography

Sri Lanka is joined to India by a chain of coral wreaths

The Kremlin is a place where people go to be cremated. Kremlins are now to be found in most parts of the country because being cremated is much healthier.

Science

Q. Under what conditions will a body float in water? A. After it has been in the water three days.

An instrument for examining small objects is called a microbescope

Men who go up in flying machines are known as argonauts

Mathematics

Q. A man has x miles to travel; he goes a miles by train, b miles by boat, and c miles he walks; the rest he cycles. How far does he cycle? A. d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l, m, n, o, p, q, r, s, t, u, v, w miles.

Parallel lines are those which do not convert

An obscene-angled triangle has none of its angles equal

English

A plural verb is used when we do two things at once

Miscellaneous

A costume is so called because it is an expensive dress

A student's version of the "double jeopardy rule": A man cannot be punished twice for the same offence, so if a man steals a pig and is put in prison for it, when he comes out he can steal another pig and not be punished

St Andrew is the patent saint of Scotland; the patent saint of England is Union Jack

The mammoth is an indistinct animal

When Chaucer describes the Prioress as amiable of port he means that she was fond of wine

Organised iron is used for roofing sheds

An antelope is an animal with a hundred legs

People often lose their consciences when they are ill

O.B.E. stands for Observation Balloon Erector

A schoolmaster leads a sedimentary life