University Correspondent 1936-1939

Here is a selection of howlers — innocent and genuine answers by school children to exam questions and essay questions — published in The University Correspondent from 1936 to 1939. You may have to think carefully about some of these in order to understand the humour!

History

Then came the Black Death, a plague which half killed one-third of the population

In the early days of Scottish history sanitation was so bad that pigs walked about the streets just as people do nowadays

Bacon was a lawyer and therefore he had a large streak of dishonesty in him

Henry VIII was not good at husbandry

Definitions

Axiom: a true statement which is taken to be right but it may be wrong and then we prove it is right

Deficit: what you've got when you haven't as much as you had when you had nothing

Editor: somebody who does not do anything himself and when somebody else does, goes and tells other people all about it

Invoice: words that are said inwardly and not aloud

Parable: a short story describing something you have been told but did not understand

Rear-Admiral: the lowest type of Admiral

Skyscraper: a bird of the same family as the skylark

Science

Q. What is the difference between "mass" and "weight"? A. Mass is the thing. Weight is the same thing but not exactly quite the same thing. They really mean the same thing.

A ship going east will get a day ahead of the sun because by the time it gets to a certain line the crew will see two sunsets where they should see only one

English

Q. Define "conjunction". A. A conjunction connects two things, eg, I tied the cow with a rope to a tree.

Q. What is the plural of sheep? A. Shepherd.

The poet Collins was born in 1721 and attended Oxford University, but as he was only a very little bit insane he had to make an untimely exit from that university

Miscellaneous

The grizzly bear builds its den in the Rockies where it sits still and grizzles all day

Moths can't grow big because they only eat holes

Inventors make all the money. Take cleaners. I am sure Mr Vacuum has cleared millions.

He broke his leg with a compound fraction

The teacher told me to sit on a chair for the present, and I waited all the time, but she hasn't given me the present yet.